May 17, 2009
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Death visits again.
If you want to hear something a bit surprising,… my grandmother just passed away this morning. I found it a strange thing that I was not at all overcome with sadness. I felt completely clear in conscious, and I knew that this was the time to be a different person from those weeping, especially my mother, who had just lost HER mother.
If you know my history, death is not a stranger to me. I find that if you are not the one weeping for the loss of someone else, than it is your responsibility to be the ironman. To hold down the household for others, and be the shoulder to cry on.I could feel my mothers pain, and her sadness, but I felt it presence, not its overwhelming power. Thusly, I could tell prior to my grandmothers death that the air was thickening. That I would play a valuable role in nurturing the mourning, and empowering them afterward.
Will I eventually mourn? Maybe.
Maybe the funeral, I will shed a tear.I remember when my grandfather passed away a couple years ago. It was like today. A sunday, during the spring. … Except I didn’t actually cry until they lowered the casket, and the company at arms had done the 21 gun salute, and began playing ‘Taps’. (my grandfather was a WWII veteran. One of the first on shore of Normandy in fact. I never thanked him for his service to the country, but I’m not one to regret the small things, since he is a conscious being enjoying a non-physical state as of right now, and through some astral grapevine, he probably is aware already.)
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The way I view death,… it is only the end of something little, to the beginning of something much more. In a comical sense, I could just imagine the grim reaper passing by after doing his deed, and I would be leaning against the wall, surveying others brewing sadness, while glancing over to the reaper for a nod. …
“Hello Death. … Out on the daily routine again?”
He, of course, wouldn’t say anything. He would merely nod, … as the silent individual he was. Perhaps even Death needs positive notice every once in a while by people who are not opposed to his job. … Its only a force of nature. If this force of nature actually HAD a conscious form like the ‘mainstream’ image of ‘him’,… I would probably respect him very much so. He would be quite the dark, yet insightful person. … and I’m sure that my own passing won’t be a horrible miscreant of nature if I continue to respect him thusly so. But people can be disappointed.
…
I’ve been on both sides of death; the deepest of mourning and anguish, and the most un-emotional, logical, and understanding. Death gives purpose, and its continued visit to my world has helped form me into a person who truly respects the power of being the ‘strong one’. The one who is not overcome by those emotions, and is available,… like a soldier, standing at arms,… as a person to assist the mourning process, and uplift them from pain. My respect for death has fostered respect for myself.
Comments (9)
Niether, I mean super human, I mean not normal for most people. I too have never been overly sad about death. I was assured that it was cause I’m was too young. But I feel like it’s selfish, to want someone back on earth, when obviously they are in a better place. My condolences about your grandmother.
I reacted the same way when my grandmother and two of my grandfathers died. (I say “two of”, because I also have sort-of-step-grandparents who I consider grandparents. I have/had three “grammys”, a “grampy”, a “grampa”, and a “pepé”. Weird how that worked out. o.O) Anyway, one of my grandmothers died when I was really young…too young to really understand and get the full effect, I guess. I knew she was gone and never coming back and it did disturb me, but not the way it did anyone else. I missed her, but I wasn’t overwhelmed.
Then, my Pepé, her husband, died soon after. Again, I was very young and most of the time I knew him, he was in a hospital, so we weren’t too close.
But, then my grandpa died, years later, when I was old enough to really “get it”. But still…I didn’t feel the way I thought I should have felt. There was only one time I cried…and it wasn’t even for him. It was just before they closed the casket and my grandmother, with tears in her eyes, bent and kissed him one last time. It broke my heart to know she was in such pain.
The only death that really affected me was my best friend’s. I was fifteen, she was fourteen, and it was the most painful thing in my memory. I was overwhelmed, entirely out of my mind with grief. Even now, five years later, if I replay it in my head, it can still bring me to tears. But, I don’t know why her death made me go to absolute pieces when so many deaths in my own family (including my step-sister) have hardly even phased me.
It’s a strange thing.
All in all, I know how you feel.
@Zelenia -
I understand how it is possible that a friends death can weigh heavier than a family members death.
Not to suggest that you did not have deep relationships with your family members, but in a way, in the back of ones mind, for better or for worse, you are stuck with your family. These are the people whom you have been exposed to throughout the beginnings. Especially the elder ones. Somehow, you just know that it is only nature that every person has a morning, an afternoon, and an evening,… before the nightfall. You can choose to establish deeper relationships with them, but all in all, they are non-exclusive human beings,… and I don’t mean that in a heartless way.
Yet, when it comes to friends, … they are people who you choose. They are people who you fight for. When you call THEM ‘family’, it is a family that you have voluntarily placed your trust and your confidence in, to uplift each other,… or simply be play-mates. That ‘family’, in a sense, can have the potential to hold a stronger bond. When a friend dies, and dies young,… a part of yourself dies.
Of course, all of this can change in theory from person to person. All I’m saying is that I agree with you. =) … I’m the kind of person who likes to establish deep bonds with non-family members. Its the principle to venturing outward into the world that I enjoy about it.
And thank you much for reading. =)
Death is as essential as life. Old Chinese Proverbs….’Perfection(In regards to Death) is The Grandfather, the Father, the Son. Having actually been present at my Grandmother’s passing, I noticed how simple death can be. I watched her take her last breaths and “she” was gone, cementing my belief that this thing we call a body is a vehicle for spirit. No tears, just an understanding of natural law. However, when death comes out of sequence and really hits even closer than our beloved grandparents or friends. When you have personally invested your soul with someone in one form or another, that’s when it really hurts for me. I have done my best in regards to non attachment, yet when my wife died, that just kicked my ass. I even knew why but the tears fell anyway. When your child dies, your partner it’s all so different. We live in a world, especially this country, of attachment, trying dearly to hold on to anything and everything, yet no thing will last forever.
This world was a better place with her in it…period. And the ole, their in a better place thing….that’s a belief system we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better about them no longer being a physical presence and I don’t think it’s all good on other planes. Combining spirituality with quantum physics, I believe energy cannot stop, it will continue. Yet….I really enjoy the physical, what a gift our bodies are.
Until we leave, it’s all a guess, be it an educated one or one based on pure faith. As the indigenous people say out here, “When you die, the great mystery will be solved”.
I betting it all that there is more. Different, yet more and that we are here to remember, because if we foirget, we just might have to do this all over again.
To each their own beliefs!!
Pardon my typos in the previous post. How embarrassing…:)
I now know more people( really close friends or family) on the next plane than I do here, 16 and counting, How strange this ride is. If you live long enough, everyone you know leaves here or this plane. I choose to believe that I will have a huge welcoming committee when I go!!
@gypsypoet58 -
Lol. Don’t worry about the typos friend. It happens.
Also, I agree that the mystery of life is never ending. It is like gazing into a mirror, while another mirror is sitting behind you. Your consciousness is ever extending from one reality into the next one.
In regards to your child, and your partner, I am very sorry to hear about them. As my mother may say, you are a ‘wounded healer’. One who has experienced devastation in the past, and yet uses his abilities to help others, while withholding the experiences gained from such tragedy. Being a ‘wounded healer’ is, I would think, a more significant trait than being a simple ‘healer’. You have the ability to understand the depths of pain and depression, as to better help those who are consumed by it. … You heal others, as you yourself struggle to heal.
My condolences,love. I apologize that this comes alittle late.
I find that we have more in common than previously thought. I too have a respect for death, and it only increased when a very good friend of mine passed. None of my crew never thought that he’d be the first, but I know it was meant to be a lesson to everyone. We all took for granted our friendships and had been foolish enough to think we were invincible. I had fallen so far from the path I suppose to be traveling that nothing could get through to me, except this death. I learned my lesson. I have found alot of myself that I had lost, and have gained respect once more. I had to go through a weeks worth of mourning, being a rock for the others to lean on. I couldn’t cry. I even embraced people that had spoken many foul things about me and my friends, simply because they were also friends with the recently deceased.Those that were always the ‘tough guys’ cried, and I embraced them. I was that rock, that healing hand that was gently stroking the pain away.
I say all of this because we all go through some times where a loved one, whether friend or family, passes on and we must be steadfast and keep it together for the rest of the family. I have been there many times, as you have as well. But I realize that I can handle it, I’ve come to deeply respect death and find that I’m suppose to be that shoulder you can lean on. I’ve become comfortable with the way things are, and the cool embrace of death has become a second home of which I am not afraid.
Stay strong, my sweet, shed your tear and grow stronger.
♥
“The Wounded Healer” may be the title of my book. I have been called this multiple times and after reading your response, I ran this by a few of my tight friends and they all had the same reaction…”Sean, that’s it!”. I’ll have to acknowledge with pleasure in my liner notes!
I’m sorry to hear about you’re Grandmother. If there’s anything I could do to help, please tell me. I know that must’ve been real hard on you. I recently just lost my Grandfather last Halloween, oddly enough, it was after a spell I did. So, I have no idea if it’s my fault or not. I mean he died in Phoenix, AZ. My town. But, if there’s anything I can do, again let me know. And, again, I’m really sorry.