April 8, 2012
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Allow me to explain…
@boilingicicle @Ampbreia @mountainride @Kodomo_no_Tsuki
… what has been going on with me lately.
I’ve been in such turbulence lately.
A vile cesspool of self-doubt and misunderstanding.
… and it is not in my intention to ignore others or neglect the spirit of other people.Recent Full Moon has made me… very irritated.
Fearing lack of personal progress,
and that fear has driven me inward, hiding underneath a damned shell.
All I had was inner-torment, envy, and half-cocked personhood.Even long before this lunar climax.
…
I hit a critical mass recently.
My biggest goal was to understand my spiritual guidance.
And tear through the filth in my head; the sludge in my veins.I hit the wall, and realized everything was nothing.
Nothing I stood for was real, and everything was illusionary.Even that of which I was fighting for. The ally. The enemy. Even the basics: my identity, and inner guidance.
I HAD to hit this wall, damnit!
I was stuck in a contemptuous cycle, and I needed out!!
… and since coming back up, with the help of a few dear friends I didn’t even realized I had, I managed to realize how arrogant and misunderstanding I have been
It was like a mental reprogramming long overdue.
So far, I’ve opened a very small channel to speak to my lowest guide, B.
At least it’s something.
Comments (6)
Something is always better than nothing, right?
Good luck with this.
embracing the shadow?
@boilingicicle -
So to speak…
and btw
I could have sworn that last post of yours was in my direction.
I admire people who keep promises.
And I believe this qualifies as a ‘response’.
@Pyronide - not at all, it wasn’t for you, i don’t get that mad/agitated/rude towards online acquaintances/friends; i was simply venting my anger at someone in my direct environment.
@boilingicicle -
Right.
To answer your question more fully, I wouldn’t use the term ‘embracing’. I’d suggest the term ‘accepting’.
Accepting its existence, and what it is to me presently.
I’ve learned nothing new, other than what I’ve been hiding behind a faulty sense of light.
Aside from the warring of spirit I have undergone these last few days,
at the time of witness, your post very well may have not been geared toward me, but I saw myself in your words,
It is apparent that we don’t communicate well
It is apparent we do not share the same values.
It is apparent that my confusing journey has made me self absorbed, hard of listening.
It is apparent to me that I have always been naive; always playing catchup,
and trying too hard to relate to people; relate to things that I don’t understand.
and most importantly,… its apparent that my thoughts don’t matter.
It was very much a ‘death of the ego’, and sadly, the spirit came along for the ride.
and I was the fool to mentally stand in the path of your energetic, emotional volley.
Strange how everything around me the last couple of days synchronized so well,… to pummel me so perfectly.
My place in the intergalactic political quarrel, … as a lower being powerless to even see it,.. it still matters not.
Light and dark are simply different shades of the same color.
Don’t waste your time analyzing the circumstances.
You’ll learn nothing from my example.
Engrossing substance I haven’t been finished specified info in a lasting time.
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