February 28, 2009

• I accept your challenge!

  So, in my casual Xanga browsing, I come across an certain interesting person (well, I come across many interesting people) whose blog talked about uncovering her older high school blog, and reading through it for fun. Then, in her post, she decided to set out a challenge for all readers to overview their old blogs (or oldest posts), and give an in-depth analysis on how they have changed since back in the days of their old blog.
  
  Well EsperSlayer, I accept your challenge! =D
  
  Indeed, I decided to search this very blog for my oldest posts, dating back almost FIVE YEARS AGO, and read through them with a very light grain of salt. There were plenty of moments of me massaging my eyes, or rolling them, as if reading through such posts were painful. And indeed, they were.
  
  From discerning through my older entries, I did find a certain ‘youthful’ remedy to them… the kind of thing expressed only by a sense of “Oh that Matthew and his crazy thoughts.” … but allow me to question you openly: as a person who is currently an advocate for metaphysics and discovering the self via spirituality, which are considered concepts among the ‘already crazy’ (to an extent)… how do you imagine I used to be in the days of teenage depression and angst? … Does quiet middle-child, dysfunctional, DnD inspired, Juggalo, occult philosophy enthusiast, Christian-goth with raging emotional and ideological problems fit your answer?
  
  … I believe if I remember correctly, I have a post in my blog,… an earlier post, which was the catalyst for some random Xangan claiming to be a Wiccan to frighten the living bejeesus out of me with talk of ‘vampires stalking you’, which resulted in an intense emotional breakdown which I could only correctly categorize it as a ‘psy-attack’. … Sound crazy enough for you?
  
  … At another instance, back in these days, I was good Xanga friends with two OTHER interesting individuals who claimed to be ‘dream-walkers’,… those who had the ability to meet people inside their dreams, and fight off demons and the like. Although nowadays, my knowledge of metaphysics makes this seem less impossible, but back in the day, this idea made me go bananas,… cause I thought it was so cool, and it was exactly the kind of thing I was looking for in learning about random occult things.
  
  All in all, I believe I have matured majorly,… spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically. My beliefs are not so naive. … Although they are still far out there, I take many things with a grain of salt, and I try to treat things professionally now. Idealistic, independent, introspective, but not insane.
  
  =)
  
  Ahhh yes. I love who I am.
  

  • 3:36 pm
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