June 18, 2009
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When I lie on my back for long periods of time, a pain begins to swell in the middle of my back, just left of my spine. This is probably the result of past injury with my neck, although that has pretty much passed. I’ve always done meditation lying down on my bed, either before I go to sleep, or before I wake up. However, this seems to disrupt my ability to meditate now.
The typical place on the internet that I would go for direction with chakra meditation or anything of the such I am currently avoiding unfortunately, because I feel tired. I’m tired of having to ask for direction, and having nothing to contribute in return, … and I refuse to remain in that position of incompitence. … My approach to meditation with the intent on establishing some kind of first contact with spirit guides or anything of the sort has taken a turn for the sarcastic. I am also tired of diving into meditation and just feeling as if I am just sitting there with my eyes closed, despite invoking certain practices that have helped before: counting backwards slowly from 10 into relaxation, imagining a wave of energy/light starting at my forehead and making its way down through my body, focusing intently on the Third-Eye chakra. … All I ever experience is a jumbled mess of static. I can’t sort out thoughts from thoughts.Dreams are also making absolutely no sense.I had dreamt last night that I had taken my friends
(or family) on a trip around the US. Strange how this part seemed
more like a random thought process, as there wasn’t much variation in the terrain.
I took them to the southwest, to Aspen
Colorado, and someplace north of
there. Eventually we settled down not too far from LA, in this small town out
beyond LA. Not a suburb, but it seemed moderately populated. Once again
strange, because I swear that the real LA doesn’t look as barren around the suburbs as it
did in my dream. It seemed to be only skyscrapers and nothing else. Yet, by some strange phenomena, my mind designated it as LA.We settled down
somewhere, and apparently, my mom began employment at a Burger King, which was oddly located
in the same building I lived, and went to school. The BK part looked like a
saloon,… like the OK Corral. Once again, no sense. … I was getting ready for a
choir/play performance of some kind, much like my college chior would participate, and the cast was searching for someone to play a nude person, who had some sort of significance in the plot.
Someone started telling everyone that I should do it, and already distressed by
my surroundings, I said that I didn’t want to fucking be the nude guy. I just
wanted to sing, and get out of this stupid situation. … Some odd extension of the dream took me to a
place,… a space ship of some kind, where there were aliens hiding in the vents,
and the people on board the ship were getting randomly attacked by the aliens.
It soon became evident that a few of the aliens felt threatened by the human
inhabitants, and were only defending themselves, and that the other aliens were
trying to convince them that humans were not a threat.I can only shrug.
I just feel tired of being … unable. And at no point does any of this seem not my fault.
I’m somewhat not looking forward to the next lecture by a random individual or friend. … I’m just not.
I don’t like being in a position of having someone lecture me on something I may have been told, or have already calculated for myself 50 times over.Sometimes, I just want to fall into a deep trance, or sleep,… and just wake up to a newly programmed mind.
Comments (7)
Have you tried laying on the floor instead? Your bed may be too soft and so while you think you’re laying straight, you’re actually sagging in the middle of the mattress and that’s putting a strain on your back. You could also get a large piece of particle wood or plywood and put it between your mattress and boxspring to firm the mattress up a little.
@harmony0stars -
Well, unfortunately, I’m already on a mattress which is sitting directly on top of a hard wood floor, and even when I move off my mattress, the effect is very little.
My back is like this no matter what I lie on.
I can relate to your not being able to meditate. For the past month my mind has been running so far, so fast that I can’t meditate, much less sleep at night. Tossing and turning does nothing for me,but hurt my lower back worse, and I become so irritated at it all that I get a headache. It’s a mess! lol Insomnia has become my good friend, i pray that he is one friend that I will lose.
I hope that you will soon be well capable of calming your thoughts once more, so you can finally get some rest love. Take Care.
Thank you for your input.
… Recently, I was able to at least meditate once, and it was perhaps the most solemn meditation I had undertaken. I completely wiped my mind of thought, and I was able to dwell in a trance of ‘just being’. Just sit there, as a being without any thought. Just existence, in its minimal form. … There was a soothing comfort to it. … and once I made my way into it, it was like sleep in that… I didn’t want to move, or leave the state. I was content just ‘being’, and appreciating the bare essentials to existence.
you’re over thinking the subject this is why you don’t seem to experience what you crave spiritually…i dunno if you’ve already put that in mind but anything supernatural -and i refer to the beautiful peaceful supernatural from the higher realms- usually just comes by chance…without you having any intention or thought towards it…unless you were doing spiritual practice according to the religious principles and techniques the way God planned it…then you hav better chances of contacting your spirit guides…i could once get in contact…and i loved it..it was the best most sublime feeling i’ve ever had…but chakra meditation isnt always so fruitful…so my advice to you is just to forget about “wanting to experience”…it’s like tht: a butterfly never lands on your head if you were pursuing it the whole time..once i’ve had a fantastic dream that i was flying over blue lakes and waterfalls…it was beautiful…but just as soon as i realized i was dreaming what i really needed to dream ,and just as soon as i tried to control my flight and get higher i lost that dream..and was back to the ordinary sleeping state..i was in the unconscious state where i’m supposed to b…when i became conscious i lost it…and you’re always too much conscious..as you said…just be…don’t think about anything…let thoughts emerge by their own…and sleep well =)
@UnderPregnantSkies -
^_^ You caught me! ^_^
You’re quite clever!
Although I’ve been practicing with a mesh of different meditation techniques, I am not ‘religious’, per say. I enjoy choosing from a number of variables that have assisted the process to achieve the end-goal (which is, adjusting your conscious frequency, which when it comes down to it, that is exactly what meditation does. Everything else exists in whatever frequency you are invoking, since, everything (sensory, physicality, spirituality, thought) is all based on frequency and energy)
Although I’ve achieved interesting things with my experimentation of spirituality, the night I wrote this post in particular, I was… well… quite discombobulated.
I think the butterfly analogy helped a lot.
Thank you for your input.
U welcome =)
I wanted to say that I really like the subjects you discuss and the way you write things…I always like to visit your page since I know there will always b smthn meaningful to learn there…even if you wrote smthn just random you know..you write it in a really eloquent way like your writing poetry or smthn …ur writing skills are outstanding ((I can tell tht since im not a native english speaker xD))//the world needs more of you =) so keep it up and keep on going and glowing