March 2, 2012
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So the past 7 days has been a week of extremes.
Working where I do, in a sales environment selling computers (take a random guess at what company. XD), I am often empowered to be outgoing and to have a lot of fun, and really push my ability of … well… non-commission based selling (we call it ‘providing customer solutions’). Anyways, the past month of February has been in the shitter, because this happens to be the calm within the storm, after Holidays, and before tax season. Things have been hella slow, but manager pressure to keep numbers high hasn’t changed (does it ever?). Before Sunday, I had gotten utterly sick of everyone in the store. XD … Of course, Sunday was the company hosted (and belated) Holiday Party, which was held at a bowling alley + arcade gallery. … Its funny how you work with people, and never think about the idea of going bowling with them, getting drunk, and killing zombies on a rail-shooter. … So THAT was a turnaround, and was basically my stress release; my reset button. A few days later, I’m pumping out computers like selling cake to fat kids, enjoying customer interactions, and helping people find the best solution for them. …
Perhaps the more annoying piece is that before this past week, my tinnitus (constant ringing in my ear) was not bothering me much, but strain to my neck has caused head pressure, and started bringing it out again. I decided I might want to pick up some medication for that, … which the sad part is that it kicks in after about a week or so, so I’ve been suffering a bit. The thing is, even if it is something I understand I will have to live with for the rest of my life, the paranoia I have of losing all of my hearing is very high with me. … (I fucking live and breathe for music. I went to college, and am paying assloads of student loans for a degree in Music. If you are like me, then you understand why.) … It got to the point where I ended up gaining so much stress over it, I had a bit of a mental breakdown. Oddly enough, it came when I was watching the Simpsons movie at my mother house while she was away, and in the middle of laughing, I suddenly lost it, and started crying. … Regardless, after the fact, I guess I’m not awfully worried, however. Its a condition a lot of people have, and I’ve taken the medication for it before, and it does work. It just takes a while.
My mother herself is having quite a rollercoaster ride. She just came back from South Carolina on a deaconess trip (my mother is a spiritual director and deaconess for the ELCA. Guess the ‘spiritual side’ runs in the family.) She enjoys traveling almost more than anything else, and her job allows her to travel to locations all over the states (plus, she has been to Africa four times). … The downfall is that one of her friends from the church she plays organ at has cancer,… aggressive cancer. After battling with it for months, it has finally hit the point of no return and progressed to her bones. Its sad, because I know her family, and they are not taking it well. My mother has been distraught about the whole thing,… but of course, I decided to console her by appealing to her religious side, reminding her that death is a journey everyone has to go through, regardless of how it comes. … Setting aside all of that, I’ve noticed my mother and I have been connecting more openly in a metaphysical-knowledge way. Being that she is almost constantly surrounded by Christianity, and I am the spiritually-alternative (crazy) son who believes in spirit guides, starseeds, and extra-terrestrials, I traditionally kept most of my beliefs from her and had her assume I believed Christ was the ‘son of God’, but given that she’s always been extremely open-minded, some of that barrier is wearing away. For example, we recently watched a documentary on quantum physics, and after it ended, we openly started discussing the examples and possibilities it entertained, like we had no emotional compromise on the subject.
So… yeah. Interesting week indeed.
A peek into the madness of my mind and my daily like.
If you met me in person, you could have never thought I was any of these things; just a normal, sensible, enigmatic person who is friendly and very likeable. … I enjoy leading a double life! XD
Comments (3)
God, the constant ringing in the ears drives me insane, so I do know how you feel (although i’ve never went to college for music), and it is scary to think that you may lose your hearing. Losing any of the senses would wear on someone since we rely on them so much,
Cancer is always hard on people, especially when it’s close to you. Something like that is never easy to even just talk about to me. Because I never know what to say, and I feel like I’m just bringing up bad thoughts if I mention it.
What are starseeds?
@Kodomo_no_Tsuki - Hey! Thanks for replying, and sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner. I’m actually dealing with the ear ringing pretty well. It gets flushed out by the normal-everyday noise I encounter, so… often, I never think about it. I’ve read up on people who have had this condition for 25 years, and their hearing ability hasn’t changed; its just that its accompanied by the ringing. SOME ringing or head noise is normal for everyone, but Tinnitus sufferers endure louder ringing than usual. Its a bummer, but its not the end of my ability to enjoy music.
In regards to your question on Starseeds, I’m going to message you privately about that.
Everyday noise is better than a ringing, but when you’re trying to really listen to something it’s annoying
Thank you for the message, btw.