July 21, 2009
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Lost Touch
My ability to post things on my Xanga has been shaky.
I blame it on self-consciousness.The fact that I am very much not a person you will see on the mainstream, neither do I describe my identity by a stereotype. Unfortunately, human beings don’t like things they have trouble framing, or ‘relating’ to some extent, and I am one such enigma.I used to be phenominal at keeping this thing up, but recently, its hard. I don’t see why I should share my thoughts if I don’t feel they will be any worth to anyone.I’ve continually, throughout my years here at Xanga, have sought people who I feel would listen to things I had to say. All of them have disappeared in one way or another, as all of them have discovered that I am not the person they thought I was, and the things I write about are unrelatable to them,… always in some way. They frame. They judge. They fail. They leave.… but then there is the simple truth about blogs that many people seem to forget. Blogging is, at almost all honest instances, a selfish art. It is sharing your personal journal with the world with the attempt at saying, at the deep subconscious level, “Love me!! Respect me!! I am art!! I am beautiful!! My life is worth reading!!” … It is a fight for recognition, where the ‘underdog’ never succeeds, because popular opinion/appeal reigns undisputably.in this realm known as the ‘Internet’. If I fight against popular appeal, and for my honest self, my efforts to share seem wasted, for how easy is it for me to sink into the cracks like rain water.Once, there was so ambition in pouring my thoughts and dreams into this thing.Now, I look at with a listless uncertainty.
Comments (8)
You are awesome.
I read everything, but sometimes as of late, have struggled to respond to anyone’s posts. I admit to being a bit self absorbed with my personal transformation that I’m right in the middle of. While continually transforming, I’m about to take, what I call a quantum leap. Many more of those to come.
But…know this….I read everything you write and I just love your mind. Genius often is a lonely place. Although by some standards my brain’s “IQ” is 140, and I so have issues with that sort of testing, but is is one measuring stick of many, my wife’s was 160. In a way, I think she died of loneliness.
This strange place called Xanga….lol just amazes me sometimes with it’s vast emptiness. so, sometimes I just write in here as if talking or sharing with the universe. I figure if I type it and press “submit”, I have sent my thoughts into the ethers and let go of any response.
I was wondering if you knew of any other places to blog? I admit to enjoying responses and evoking discussion. Sometimes I just vent from that primal place, sometimes I like to delve into beliefs systems and basically the human condition.
Keep writing, if not here, let me know where else and I will gladly join you.
Sean
@gypsypoet58 -
Thanx man.
I appreciate that you think so. Still, in my few years on this planet, I am yet to fully understand what truly defines a ‘genius’. At this age, especially, it is hard to define, since those of my age are most likely to take on the guise of ‘pretentious intellect’. Things are ‘this way’. Life is ‘that way’. Throw in a die to decide what random piece of logic/evidence they’ll use today to support their claims, and debate/suppress anyone disagreeing with the whole. Those of my age are anally struggling to stretch their arms and reach the title of ‘genius’, gathering information just so they can return to their peers and gloat their brains out. Politics. Religion. Music tastes. Philosophy. … I just… don’t see the point of engaging in that type of thing. It doesn’t prove a god-damned thing actually!
So,… perhaps this adds a little to my ‘lonely’ mindset. It makes me feel older than I should feel.
*rant*
Unfortunately, I do not know many blogging places that support a wide community like Xanga does. Most other websites are for mainstream/complex networking, like Facebook and Myspace. I don’t know many places which focus centrally on blogging amongst a vibrant, accessible community of other like-minded bloggers. I am, however, currently in search of one myself. Experimenting with other sites. … I’ll let you know if I stumble on anything promising enough! =)
Hell! If I find one BETTER than Xanga, I’ll smear it all over my Xanga in the form of a post so everyone knows! XD
I’m back! I’ve been reading your blogs as well, Pyro, and I have to say that they’re as gripping as they ever were. I know I don’t reply much, and I really have no excuse as to why.
I read. I think, I move on. You raise such interesting questions, such situations and provocative thought that sometimes I feel awash in my own response and my fingers cannot release my words fast enough.
Genius is an arbitrary term, as you’ve pointed out. It fluctuates wildly, and one never knows whom is going to earn that title next. It seems, in this day and age, unless you’re a millionaire or have your own foundation you’re not eligible for the ‘Prestigious’ title. You’re only good enough for a Professor or Teacher, someone out of the way of those with means. It’s a vicious theme, but the sacrificial stepping stones that one human makes out of another is barbaric.
And on the by, I’ll be watching for whatever other site you come across that is as good a Blogging community as Xanga.
You never got my message about messenger, did you? We need to catch up sometime.
yeah the broken english part can be complicated, but my pen pal is from texas lol
Yes indeed I understand your frustration. Tis quite the lonely path. So few people have the ability to open up their shallow minds to what is all out there. An indeed all you say is true…Human beings dont like things they cant frame and label. It is the whole curse of being a human being. There is so much out there, yet most people would rather be shallow. Yes I have had quite the ambition myself with this thing(Xanga). But it has been sucked dry. I havent posted in months, because all I do is visit friends. I just want you to know that I always read your blogs, and they are quite thought provoking. You are an intelligent human being. It is your journey. Do not let shallowness slow you down, yet connections and networks are also important. Have you considered writing a novel?
Namaste
Business partners can be difficult, I agree
sometimes I just want to yell at them!
Hope things are going well
@orokrebanya -
XD
… I don’t think you realize how many people have asked me that question. =) It’s surreal.
As a matter of fact, I never fully considered what that meant till just now. I just assumed that everyone had the capability to be a good writer/novelist. Honestly though, that is something I’ve been wanting to do since as far as I can remember. Of course, like many writers, I can never fully dedicate throughout an entire novel, but perhaps now that your words have stirred up the idea, maybe I should try again? *shrug* … I’m not sure my environment inspires it though, as I am also frequently working on music.
Fun Fact: While I’ve loved creative writing, one of the first full stories I ever wrote was back in the 4th grade. It was called ‘Spacecraft Sector’, about 5 friends who one day decided to build a spaceship, fly it out of the solar system, and by some accident, were sucked into a black hole, and were sent to a random planet inhabited by a race of tribal-like warriors. The requirement for the project was at least 4 pages long. The story turned out to be 11. XD
@Kaigo -
We certainly do!
However, my presence on the internet is now few and far between.
I won’t be able to have stable internet until next month.
And I agree fully with you that ‘genius’ is merely a title given to those with ‘popular affiliation’ with the term. I’d rather not bother myself with debating my own ‘genius’, and spend that time just growing,… mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.