As I tend to do every so often, … last night, I decided to venture through this old blog, and read through old posts. One particular post,… perhaps one that I tend to invoke quite a bit every now and then,… is a dream journal post (a post that I typed from an entry in an old dream journal.) What makes this dream so significant is that it may just have been the creepiest, and darkest dream I remember. … It occurred about 5 years ago, when I was in high school no less.

I’d like to share this old entry with you (in its earliest form). It probably has no relevance now, but I’m interested in the reactions/replies you might offer.

…

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Currently Playing
Babylon
By Skindred
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Last night….
… I had the most dark and twisted dream I ever had in my entire life as I recall.

Let me describe it to you.

I found myself standing in a hellish place, the sky was bright in a panorama of orange yellow and red. The ground was similar to that inside an aqueduct or a dungeon sewer, with platforms of cobblestone and dark tiles organized in a maze-like setting without walls, and trenches for the water. However, it wasn’t water within the trenches. It was blood. Thick, red, and begging to scare the hell out of anyone who wasn’t a vampyr or just straight up sadistic,… though I do admit, I wasn’t freightened, just really, really curious as to where the hell I was.
I looked around myself, and saw a cloaked figure, walking away from me, as if leading me somewhere. Somehow, I knew it was a witch, or some type of sorceress. I went along and followed her, wondering who she was, and where she was leading me. I had the impression that the place I was at had to do something with a graveyard. I don’t remember why. I continued to follow her until she took a right, and walked slowly toward this circular platform with a pedestal on it. I also somehow knew that she knew I was following her.
She walked behind the pedestal, and looked down upon it, where a strange red ruby box or figure was sitting, with a push-in switch on the top of it. She stared at it for a few seconds and then pressed it. When she did, this visible red aura of energy, like a bright glowing orb of webbing, emerged from it, and spread outward. It dissipated before it even touched me. I knew I was in a dangerous setting, with a witch-like woman I didn’t even know, with an object I wasn’t sure was for, but I was nowhere near afraid. I was curious. Still curious. I took a few steps forward and looked at the woman, trying to get a better look at her face. Finally, she looked up at me with an agknowledgable look, and for a few seconds, we just exchanged stares. Then…. the slowly began to grin, deviously,… and as she did, I noticed fangs.
Then, in one swift motion, she pressed the switch again. This time, the aura of dark energy did not fail to encase me. When it did, I became paralyzed instantly. I felt the pressure around me thicken, and then, pain strick. I didn’t actually feel pain in my dream, but the impression of it told me that it was supposed to be painful. I began to quiver severely. I could feel my body begin to change. To what,… I don’t know. The ‘pain’ came over my entire body, and I tried to scream out, yet the paralysis and the muscle tension of the pain caused me to give out nothing by a ghastly groan. Then, thats when I fell unconsious in my dream, and I woke up.

…. I am BEYOND what the meaning behind the dream could possibly be, but I knew that the supposed ‘witch’ was actually a striga, a vampyric being which resembles a witch. … Perhaps the dream was some morbid form of inspiration? Or maybe,… it has worth, … a meaning, on a reality basis. If that were the case, then I definately need to watch myself, otherwise something very bad will happen.

I also do recall when I was driving home tonight from a church youth session, I saw what seemed to be a falling star. That was something I haven’t seen in a long long time. I doubt it has anything to do with my dream, but if it does, … I’m keeping an eye open.
Posted 3/2/2005 11:38 PM – 9 Views – 8 eProps – 6 comments – edit it

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(before you read this next part, please note that this happened during a time when my beliefs were dominantly Xtian. I have unintentionally insulted a few polytheists/pagans while telling them this story. Not sure if is how I typed it, or that they seemed to forget too quickly that this was a different time,… I was one of more conservative beliefs. … Please take this to note.)

I received a number of comments from this post,… one in particular was a woman who claimed to be a learned psychic and a witch, and she claimed that ‘psy-vampires’ had their eyes on me, and she even managed to tell me the name of the woman (strangely). From how she was typing in IM, she seemed quite serious. … Of course, I was young, naieve, and more Xtian back in these times, so I rejected her theories openly. I told her that my guardian angel might interviene, ans she said something to the effect that she already spoke to my angel. I also told her that I believed in Xtianity, and she went so far to try and convince me that Wicca was the <i>only</i> truthful religion, and made references to meeting me in my dream (“You will see me as a blonde woman with yellow eyes.”) … Once again,… young, naieve, Xtian,… and foreign to the idea of a mysterious and fear-mongering woman entering my dream… so this scared the crap out of me. I told her to leave me alone, and went to bed. …

I was already moderately shaken up about this, but while I was in my bed, the shaking just intensified. I felt this extremely painful sensation/emotion at the pit of my stomach. The only way I can describe it was that it was as if my soul was being stripped and torn from the body. I struggled with it for quite a time. Finally, somehow, I got it to stop, but for the rest of the night, I was very paranoid about it coming back. It eventually occured to me that I had undergone some kind of attack.

For a while, I had the derranged suspicion that the woman was responsible. Of course, that remains to be seen, as if everything else completely unexplained about the dream, or the attack. This happened at a time when I was rather disturbed. I had little sense of most things metaphysical.

Nowadays, I think about the whole thing, and I shrug. Part of me is lost with the depressing reality that I will not ever know the truth about those series of events. Not even sure the dream is relevant anymore to desipher its meaning.

…
Nonetheless, this dream, as well as many of the odd happenings and discoveries through my old blog, has inspired me to write a novel, somewhat based around the dream above. … If anything, I’m making a creative use out of it.

Greetings, Xangans

Long time no talk,… but thats understandable.
I simply came by, after a long absence, to indulge you on what I have been doing these past few months.

I’ve battled much tension and anxiety the past few months, and I’ve grown little by little from each experience. Musically, I am now a loner,… no longer officially tied to any musician… and I currently prefer it to be that way. I feel it’ll give me the opportunity to discover myself, and toy around with different approaches to where I should take my musical knowledge next. On thing is for sure,… I’m not here to carry people through their careers anymore. Just myself. … because that’s the way it should be at this point. I’ve spent my time being ‘someones producer’,… the sound engineer who gains little, and gives too much. I realize now,… I’m a ‘Lion-heart’. I can’t be the ’2nd-hand musician’. … Things need to change. … If only I can remove the filth from my system

Perhaps I’ll leave this muck someday,… this muck of demotivation and anti-ambition,… and shine bright again.

…

College is going pretty well. A tad hectic here and there, but that is understandable. I’ve had the unbearable feeling, however, that I need to dig into something creative. I feel as if I should begin a project of sorts to free myself of all of the negative filth going on in the recesses of my mind (the kind of filth that lingers, despite effort to live positively). I’ve debated finally tapping into my love of writing, and maybe beginning a fiction novel. I’ve always toyed with the fact that the first novels of many authors generally go unnoticed, and I have too many good ideas to spare, so I figure it would be a good idea to take a handful of stories, and do what Clive Barker did: … write a collection of many short stories in one book.

This means that I would have to travel back and recall some of the older story ideas, while keeping a recent mindset. As I’m now someone who digs into metaphysics as a hobby/passion, I need to make the stories ‘less fantasy’ and more ‘psychological’,… convince the reader that the realities suggested are indeed possible. Another issue of mine, however: overthinking, and not actually acting.

…

Spiritually, I am feeling more consciously aware, and my knowledge is greater, but it comes at a price,… in the form of emotionality. For those of you who know me, you know that although I was born and raised Christian, I’ve dove further from the religion and more into pantheism and metaphysics, ultimately open to many beliefs. At some points, I’ve ‘called’ myself pagan, but only out of the idea that my ideas have broadened beyond what might be seen as acceptable to conservative religion, and I only suspect that if I expressed them accordingly, this might be the label I’d be given. … However, I apply much of what I learn in religion classes in college (a theological perspective) to better approach religion not simply as an esoteric preference, but a realm of knowledge. …

Anyhow, … back to the issue at hand. … My meditative focus has been dominantly on angels (messengers of the divine). If I am going to seek some type of inter-dimensional entity for guidance down a spiritual path, I’d choose angels,… simply because of their beneficial nature. Yet, my meditations have been without much result. I feel such a pull to make some sort of conscious contact in meditation, but it hasn’t been working, and I realize that my perspective has taken a bit of toll. Tough love, or naivety? … Of course, if you, the reader, happen to be anti-New Age, then ‘naivety’ is apparent, but if that was the case… you probably don’t belong in reading this anyhow.

There are a lot behind the inner workings of my psyche, and I’m confident that a portion of it needs reprogramming, … but… nobody said reprograming was painless, or without a bit of confusion.
Still …

…

But there is a summary of my recent self.
In between veils…

Limbo,… if there ever was such a place in reality,… would seem much like how I am feeling now.

After a good 5 years of posting here, the trends of the site have caught up with me.
… In other words, Xanga is fucking dead!

People have come and gone,
… and gone
… and gone
… and gone

…

I don’t see much of a reason to keep my concentration focused on this place.

I need to seek new horizons, and thus far, Ning.com might suffice!
A lot of things that can be done in that place.
Many possibilities…

Not as anonymous and mysterious as this place has been, however.
…

You will definitely see me post here and there in the future,
but I don’t expect anybody to read really.

(The following is a direct adaptation of an essay I’ve written for a class. Please enjoy this bit of college-kid comedy!)

“My created religion is known as Ramenism, whereas the central concept, otherwise known as the ‘absolute’, is Ramen noodles, and their relevance with the great Food God! This religion is meant to answer the questions behind the existence of God, the existence and relevance of Ramen noodles as a form of penance against various worldly wrongdoings (as described in the sacred “Books of the Holy Noodle” (parts 1 and 3, since part 2 was lost in the great “Stove-Top Fire of Dorm Room 309″ )), and the afterlife.

A more specific look into the religion would reveal that God (or rather… the ‘Food God’) is the creator of all forms of sustinance, including Ramen, which is considered to be his most sacred creation. Thusly, the most sacred of rituals is the eating and digestion of Ramen noodles, and the only way to correct wrongdoings is to eat as many Ramen noodles as their body shall allow, having only a limited amount of other foods for nutritional gain. Of course, as is expected in the customs of this religion, the followers will grow sick of Ramen, despite the fact that to deny Ramen noodles at a meal is a mortal sin. Therefore, the eternal reward after death for eating Ramen noodles is to be sent to another physical plane where every other food known to man is present EXCEPT for Ramen noodles.

The various rituals are determined by the various ways one can prepare Ramen, which is a large portion of Part 3 of the holy scriptures, dictated as a recipebook. The introduction of Ranch dressing, and Louisiana hotsauce is perhaps one of the most sacred of these various rituals. The word of the religion is spread by word of mouth, dominantly by college students who wish to provide their fellow brothers and sisters with a cost effective way to eat while tending to their studies. Of course, with the destruction of Part 2 of the scriptures, the religion is nowadays preserved through parts 1 and 3, which have been digitally copied and posted on ‘The Pirate Bay” for all eager disciples of ‘Ramenhood’ to download illegally. There are very little qualifications to join the religion. You just have to be poor enough to have nothing but Ramen to eat throughout the year.

Some theologians of this religion theorize, by interpreting the sacred texts, that the Food God had created mankind out of the remains of uncooked noodles, and it was only fitting for mankind to feast upon such basic sustinance to conserve the amount of food in the Food God’s fridge, and thus, not angering him. Some theologians simply believe that the Food God is a cosmic jokester, who enjoys watching the suffering of college students and various other human beings. Yet, the final revelation of the religion says that once all Ramen noodles on the entire planet have been consumed, the Food God shall send all who disobey into a giant crock pot in the sky, where they will be cooked thouroughly with an assortment of vegetables, and then fed to the various believers of Ramenism as a reward. Perhaps it is purely cannibalism, but as the scriptures say: “Look on the bright side!… its better than eating Ramen!”"

I’ve been absent from Xanga.
… a short period of inarticulation of more recent events, and being busy in general.

As of now, I feel like laying low,… getting in tune with myself again.

…

Many things clouding my mind this month…
Much anxiety.

…

I don’t wish to speak about it, as it in itself can conjure a stressful sigh. Perhaps on a later entry.
I just wished to let you know that I am still out here.

So its official. I’m all moved back into Augsburg.

I have not yet moved back to college, but the change of seasons and musical/academic/social landscapes has made me quite a ‘busy bee’!

command

With my current living situation, I no longer posess stable internet.

My ability to post things on my Xanga has been shaky.